Etiquette Basics for Civil War Re-enactors.

Good behaviour is a reflection not only on a person, but also on ones parents and the
upbringing one received.  Learn to govern yourself and be gentle and patient.

Qualities of a Lady
  • Is expected to be reserved and circumspect.
  • Would never attract the attention of the opposite sex.
  • Is modest in her actions and words.
  • Rises to ones feet when in respect to age and social standing of another.
  • Does not talk continually, but listens and speaks in turn.
  • Should shine the art of conversation, but not too brightly.
  • When introduced to a gentleman should never offer her hand but curtsy politely and say
    “I am happy to make your acquaintance.”
  • Should neither lounge in her chair nor sit on the edge of her seat.  Her feet should     
    scarcely be shown and never crossed.
  • Must avoid sitting stiffly or slouching.
  • A lady should never appear to be affected by breathing hard or being over-exerted.
  • Should avoid short rapid steps, shaking the body from side to side, or a very slow gait.

Qualities of a Gentleman
  • Acts kindly from the impulses of his kind heart.
  • Is brave, because with a conscience void of offence, he has nothing to fear.
  • Is never embarrassed for he respects himself and is profoundly conscious of right
    intentions.
  • Keeps his Honour unstained.
  • Retains the good opinion of others by neglecting no civility.
  • Respects even the prejudices of men he believes are honest.
  • Is never arrogant or weak.
  • Bears himself with dignity, but never haughtily.
  • To superiors he is respectful without servility; to equals courteous; to inferiors’ kind.
  • Is easy but never familiar.
  • Carries himself with grace.
  • Never inflicts pain.
  • Never speaks of himself except when compelled.
  • Never takes unfair advantage.
  • Would never allow a lady to get a chair for herself, pick up a dropped item, or perform a
    service that a gentleman could for her.
  • Should wear dark gloves during the day and lighter gloves in the evening.  Gloves   
    should be worn unless eating or drinking.
  • Should stand when a lady enters a room.
  • Should never neglect a lady.
  • Should not spit in public.
  • Should never enter a ladies dressing room.
  • Should never “Cut” a lady. (A “Cut”, is to ignore for the purpose of excluding.)
    Street - Ignoring someone on the street is considered a “Cut” and should only be
    employed for the most serious of causes.
  • Care should be taken in the carrying of canes, umbrellas, and packages that they are not
    an inconvenience to others.

A Lady:
  • Walks quietly through the streets, seeing and hearing nothing she ought not to.
  • Recognizes acquaintances with a courteous bow, friends with words of greeting.
  • Never talks loudly, or laughs boisterously, or anything to attract the attention of
    passersby.
  • Should recognize a gentleman first.
  • May not feel at liberty to return a gentleman’s bow. However a gentleman must never fail
    to bow in return to a lady. Therefore, a lady should give the first smile or bow.
  • Must always refrain from using the gentleman’s Christian name.
  • Should never take the arms of two gentlemen.
  • An unmarried lady should not take the arm of an unrelated gentleman unless willing to
    publicly acknowledge an engagement.
  • When crossing the street, must raise her skirts slightly above her ankle by holding her
    skirts in her right hand. Not in both hands.

A Gentleman:
  • Never swears or talks uproariously.
  • Should never fail to raise his hat politely to an acquaintance of either sex.
  • Upon bumping into someone or stepping on a ladies dress he must “beg their pardon”
  • At no time lose his temper.
  • Should never attract attention by excited conversation.
  • Should offer a lady his arm and always his right arm.
  • When passing other people should observe the law of “turn to the right” (pass on the
    right) and this way the lady will not be jostled.
  • When walking alone it is proper to give a passing gentleman with a lady on his arm, the
    inside of the walk.
  • When meeting on a street crossing should make way for ladies, and younger for older.
  • May take two ladies upon his arms.
  • Will assist a lady from a carriage without waiting for the formality of an introduction.
  • However he will not see this as an opportunity to begin a conversation.
  • Will not smoke when walking or standing in the presence of a lady.
  • Will not stand in a public place and make comments about ladies passing by.

Calling cards
  • Cards were presented on a tray to the lady of the house who would than decide if she
    wanted to receive the visitor or not.
  • Cards should be left for the lady of the house, and her daughters and any other female
  • Family or guests currently residing in the house.
  • A lady also leaves one of her husbands cards for the gentleman of the house.
  • If your acquaintance is not at home leave a card.
  • In addition to a person’s name and address, a card might have a lady’s “at home” day  
    also printed on it.
  • An “At Home Day” is when a lady would remain home to receive visitors rather than
    going out to make calls.
  • Turning down the corners of a card left a message if the person you were visiting was  
    not at home.  Upper left was “Visite” (Visit), upper right “Felicitation” (Congratulations),
     lower left “Conge” (Goodbye), lower right “Condolence” (Regrets).
  • Do not throw your calling card in the card receiver.
  • The height of the card pile might be interpreted as a clue to the social standing of the
    hostess.

Visiting
  • The general assumption is that the majority of visits are one lady to another as most men
    are too busy to make calls.
  • Morning calls are made during the hours of 1:00pm - 5:00pm.
  • Ceremonial visits were made first between 1:00pm -  2:00pm, semi-ceremonial calls
    between 2:00pm - 3:00pm and intimate calls between 3:00pm- 5:00pm.
  • Evening calls were made from 8:00pm - 9:00pm and should be of an hour’s duration.
  • Visits of ceremony are short, no more than a half hour, and not before the hour of lunch
    time.
  • Visits could be made to thank a hostess for an invitation to a dinner or a ball and also for
    condolence on the loss of a loved one or congratulations on a marriage or birth.
  • Visits made on "at home days" might be of a slightly lengthier duration and tea and light
    refreshments might be served.
  • Should another lady call make your stay shorter than this, however do exchange
    pleasantries with the new arrival so not to seem that you are shunning them.
  • Young ladies may visit their acquaintances alone, but all other calls should be made with
    an elder lady.
  • An “at home day” might also find the hostess with busy work such as lace or wool work,
    writing letters or sketching.

Arrival
  • Do not enter a room without first knocking and receiving an invitation to come in, or
    having a servant announce you.
  • Upon arriving it is proper to greet your hostess first.  This presents a problem if the
    hostess is seated far away from the door. For this reason a hostess should remain near   
     the door and should employ the aid of her daughters or other family members to see to  
     the needs of her other guests.
  • A lady should never remove her bonnet or shawl, even when politely asked to, unless in
  • the presence of a particular friend and then only with the help of the lady of the house.
  • Gentlemen were expected to remove their hats.