• Do not be in haste to seat oneself; one appears to ones advantage, and is more polite,
       standing for a few moments.
  • In the event that several ladies arrive at the same time, due respect is paid to age and
    social standing, they must be seated in the most honourable places.
  • A man should rise when a woman enters the room and remain standing until all ladies
    have taken their seats.
  • A man should never take any article from a woman’s hand – teacup, book, flower, etc. –
    and remain seated, she standing.
  • Do not take young children on formal calls.
  • Do not take pets with you.
  • Dot not meddle with, or stare at articles in the room.
  • Do not call across the room if you wish to address someone specifically. Cross the room
    and speak to them quietly.
  • Do not scratch your head with a tooth pick or earspoon or comb.
  • Use a handkerchief when necessary, but without glancing at it afterwards.  Be as quiet    
    and unobtrusive as possible.
  • Remove gloves if refreshments are served.

    Departure
  • When it is time to leave, announce this and take your leave.
  • Leave after an appropriate length of time so as not to become a “day goblin”.

    Tea
  • A proper tea was a gathering of friends with light refreshments and conversation.
  • Tea might be served by a lady on her “At Home” day.
  • The hour for a tea might be written on a lady’s calling card.
  • A hostess should shake hands with her guests and receive them cordially.
  • Tea, punch or lemonade might be served along with small sandwiches and desserts.
  • No wine or alcoholic drinks should be served.

    Dinner
  • Do not open your mouth when chewing.
  • Do not make noises with the mouth or throat.
  • Do not leave the table with food in your mouth.
  • Do not tip back your chair or lounge upon the table.
  • Do not make gestures with your cutlery.
  • Do not hold bones in your fingers while you eat from them.
  • Do not feed a cat or a dog from the table.
  • Do not pick your teeth or put your fingers in your mouth while eating.
  • Do not wipe your fingers on the table cloth, use your napkin.
  • Do not come to the table improperly dressed.
  • Do not wear gloves at the table.
  • Married couples are never seated together.
  • Ladies remove their gloves once seated.
  • Gentlemen remove their gloves just prior to being seated.
  • The senior lady, either by age or social standing, is always led into the dinning room first
    by the host of the party.
  • The hostess arrives last on the arm of the senior male.
  • It is ridiculous to make a display of your napkin.
  • Never ask for “meat” instead of beef.
  • Never turn up your cuffs when carving.
  • Never cut your bread with a knife, it should be broken by hand.
  • Always use your napkin before and after drinking.

    Balls
  • It is fairly normal for dances or balls to begin as late as 9:00 p.m. or even 11:00p.m. and
    last until dawn.
  • Men should wear white gloves as their hands tend to perspire and this is unpleasant for a
    lady to touch even through her own gloves.
  • Ladies should wear gloves of white or yellow.
  • A host is responsible for making suitable introductions, and seeing that all ladies who
    would like to dance are supplied with partners.
  • Introductions are not followed by shaking hands, but rather by a bow or curtsy.
  • Avoid the habit of bowing or nodding to folks you have already greeted.
  • A gentleman is expected to dance and dance frequently.
  • It was considered improper to dance with the same partner more than twice.  Especially
    with ones spouse.
  • Gentlemen were to leave no “wall flower” without a dance partner.
  • Dancing with a lady is an honour.
  • A gentleman should lead her on and off the dance floor.
  • At the conclusion of the dance men should always thank the lady for the honour of dancing
    with her.
  • A lady should never thank a gentleman for a dance rather a smile and slightly inclined
    head is a sufficient response to a gentleman’s “Thank you”.
  • Ladies are never to refuse one gentleman and then accept another for the same dance,
    unless the dance was previously promised.
  • Ladies should never solicit dances with gentlemen or boast of having a full dance card.
  • A lady should never obtain her own refreshments.  It is up to a gentleman to see to this for
    her.

    Fans
  • Fans are a means for flirtatious communication.
  • They are a means to communicate with a gentleman to whom you have not yet been
    properly introduced.
  • They could be employed to show a woman’s modesty, shyness.
  • Also they could convey messages across a crowded room.
  • Proper fan should fit in the palm of ones hand.
  • One should be careful how a fan is wielded to avoid sending the wrong message to the  
    wrong person.

    Conversation
  • A pleasant and melodious voice is more pleasing to the ear than a harsh one.
  • Conversation relies on four basic concepts which if strictly followed cannot but render
    good results.   They are: to Compliment Others; Ask After Others; Tend To Positive  
     Words and Comments; and Smile.
  • Maintain a cool and refined demeanour.
  • The selection of vocabulary should be understandable and not full of “foreign words and
    high sounding terms”.
  • Speak clearly and plainly.
  • Do not speak in a whisper in order to exclude others from the conversation.
  • Always say please when you make a request and say thank you without fail.
  • Use the terms “ma’am” and “sir” unfailingly. Especially when addressing someone who
    is senior to you.
  • It is appropriate to mention a persons title when introducing them, i.e.:”Colonel Williams
    or Mayor Smith.
  • It is inappropriate to refer to someone by their Christian name when in a public gathering.
  • Proper topics of conversation include: the weather, travel, books, dances and balls,
    bonnets and metaphysics.
  • Unsuitable topics of conversation are: praising oneself, current scandals, politics or
    religion.
  • Unsolicited advice is not to be offered.
  • Always ask never tell.
  • If conversing with people who know less than you, do not lead the conversation where
    they can not follow.

    Church
  • Children were expected from infancy be able to sit still and quietly during divine services.
  • Gloves should be worn by ladies in church.
  • Men are expected to remove their hat during any church function.
  • Ladies should always enter the pew first.
  • Men should escort their lady down the aisle to the pew where they will be seated.
    He will then turn to the lady and nod as an indicator that she should enter the pew.
  • Should a lady enter a full church a gentleman should offer his seat to her.
  • All distractions should be avoided, including loud noises, bright colours, an excess of
    jewelry, extravagant or gaudy clothing and talking in church.
  • Snoring in church is a public disgrace and the height of vulgarity.

    Mourning
  • Deepest mourning clothes are all black, symbolizing spiritual darkness. Non reflective
    materials and adornments that are not shiny are the only ones acceptable during this time.
  • Widows also wear opaque veils when going out in public so that they may maintain their
    privacy.
  • Widows are to wear this for two years.(Though the veil is removed sooner.)
  • Children mourning parents and vice versa one year.
  • Grandparents and siblings six months, aunts and uncles two months.
  • Men wear their dark suits with black gloves.
  • Children are not expected to wear mourning though in some cases girls wear white
    dresses trimmed in black.
  • After deepest mourning the colour of dress is lightened first with a period of gray, mauve
    and finally white is introduced.

    Camp
  • Civilians in camp during the civil war was both a common and atypical situation.
  • During the war women gained entry to military camps for many reasons.  Business with  
    the US Sanitary Commission, the Christian Commission, Nurses, some searching for  
     dead or wounded loved ones, volunteer soldiers aid etc.
  • No matter what the reason that brought them to camp civilians would not have gained
    passage through the lines into camp without a pass or passes.
  • Even laundresses, camp followers, or prostitutes were there with appropriate permission.
  • Civilian camps as we know them are modern invention, created out of necessity of the
    hobby as most women would not be living in military camp.
  • For that reason civilian camps should be treated as a lady’s home, as a women place
  • During the war was at home.  Never in military camp un-escorted.

    Prostitutes
  • Women who had sunk to the demotion from “lady” to “whore” were able to insinuate
    themselves around camps or military hospitals.  These women were usually poor, and
     more often than not addicted to alcohol or drugs such as laudanum and opium.
  • However they did not comport themselves around the camps as corset and chemise
    strumpets with feather boas.  Rather they would usually be dressed plain and simple
     clothes and in a condition that reflected their level of poverty.  They generally did not
     wear elaborate or heavy makeup.
  • They were generally ignored or treated with relatively kind or benevolent behaviour during
    the daylight hours.